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Bouncing back (or at least trying to)
Thu. June 26th, 2025, 10:27AM EST

I'm back, by unpopular demand!! /joke

Anyways, after being hospitalized, literally ever since then, I have been trying to get my shit together and bounce back. It... is not going the greatest, but today marked a day of progress, for good reason. Yesterday, my husband and I sat down and we decided to work on an activity together: Carving out our daily routines and splitting the chores evenly. It was productive, and fun! (We used Crayola markers) And I got a lot done.

I want to write my routine down here to share it, just in case anyone else like me (Autistic/ADHD out the wazoo) wants a template or ideas to bounce off of.

    MORNING: 9:00AM to 12:00PM
  1. Wake up between 9:00AM and 10:00AM
  2. Make Bed
  3. Check and clean bedroom - Pick up things off the floor, throw out any trash.
  4. Eat Breakfast - When all else fails, use the electric kettle for some cup ramen.
  5. Brush Teeth
  6. Feed Rei and clean his litter box
  7. Take a Shower - Includes drying/styling my hair and basic skincare.

    AFTERNOON: 12:00PM to 6:00PM
  1. Eat Lunch - As needed. I get hungry at weird times.
  2. Work on Commissions - Minimum 1-2 WIP sketches or 1 completed piece.
  3. Work on personal/Patreon art - Minimum 1 WIP sketch with timelapse.
  4. Film Vlog - Optional, assuming there is time and energy!
  5. Work on Website - Also optional. Sometimes I just browse for inspo. That counts.
  6. Check Finances - Because it never hurts to keep an eye on your bank account.

    EVENING / NIGHT: 6:00PM to 12:00AM
  1. Clean Desk - Remove any trash or items that shouldn't be there.
  2. Play with Rei - Kitty deserves love and attention, too!
  3. Play games with friends
  4. Spend time with Varrick - Varrick is my husband, and I value our cuddle time. ♥
  5. Go to bed at 12:00AM (2:00AM latest)

#personal  #yapping  #progress 
I feel like an outsider no matter what.
Thu. May 26th, 2025, 7:41PM EST

This post, unfortunately, will contain some venting. I've put it under a collapsible in case anyone wants to skip this post. It may be a bit heavy, but not too heavy. CW for struggling as an autistic person, mentions of masking, and other neurodivergent/mental health struggles.

This is the only place I really feel safe posting such thoughts, to be honest.

Post title. As mentioned, I feel like an outsider everywhere I go.

I don't know if this is because I'm autistic, or what - but no matter how kind people are to me, I always feel like they do not like me, or they just... tolerate my presence at best. I know for a fact that these thoughts are not rational or based in reality. I know that I've surrounded myself with people who, if they had any issues with me, they'd tell me. (Or at least, I hope so. I really do hope so.)

I know why, though. When you lose a friend group you thought was forever, and if there was trauma involved, of course that's going to leave a mark on you - and I guess I'm at that point. After what I experienced, I unfortunately am so hesitant to invest time and effort into people because of the way some relationships have ended. It's gotten to the point where I have become a hyper-independent person to protect myself and make sure I don't have to rely on anyone for anything, but this came with the price of feeling lonely and scared to open up to anyone about anything.

It's not fun. It sucks, actually. And I recently got hit with this wave of doubt when I participated in a group event. Nobody is to blame, this is all on me - I do not want them to feel responsible for MY feelings. But sometimes I feel like what I say is overlooked or doesn't matter, or that I annoy people. I pick up on subtle things and changes and I'm just hoping to the higher powers above that I'm overthinking it. But after seeing some other, similar scenarios where someone thought they were overreacting and they weren't, and things were so much worse than they could have ever imagined, I have some fears.

And I've got no idea how to unpack this, deal with this, or process this right now. So here I am, writing about it instead.

*uncaps vape and opens Overwatch to cope lmao*

#personal 
I'm struggling fr
Thu. May 22nd, 2025, 9:46PM EST

The last two months have kind of sucked for me, here's why (in order):

  1. Got sick after Easter. It messed up my sleep schedule - it felt impossible to fix.
  2. I battled that backwards sleep schedule for over a month.
  3. I got sick AGAIN, so bad that I had to go to the hospital.
  4. Hospital was NOT a fun experience and I had to change my diet for my health.
  5. Ironically, this fixed my sleep schedule. I am now having the opposite problem: I am running on Nursing Home Hours™ and now am going to bed and waking up TOO early for my liking. (WHY AM I FALLING ASLEEP AROUND 8PM BE SO FOR REAL)
  6. I CAN'T DRINK PINK LEMONADE ANYMORE??????? I have GERD. It's so acidic it literally hurts to drink.

Add this with I'm behind on work, and you have a mess! I AM recovering, but oh my god. A bitch needs a break. That's why I haven't been myself. My social battery has also been nonexistent.

... I'll be okay though. I promise lmao

#personal  #yapping 
First blog post!
Wed. May 21st, 2025, 10:26PM EST

This code took forever to figure out, but I did it, oh my god. I never want to learn new CSS + Javascript ever again LMAO

I'M NOT EVEN MAKING A PROPER BLOG POST I SPENT HOURS ON THISSSS KGJSHDGKLSJGKSJDHGLSDKJGH

#personal  #yapping